My mom is not able to get out of bed now, and we are sensing that her time is near. The last two nights I have hugged her and gone to bed not knowing if I would see her again. As she continues to have pain and nausea, she told me today that she is so ready to go home. It is hard to say that this is our prayer request, but we know that God is in complete control and that has a plan to use my mom's death in the same way that he has used her life to glorify Him.

We have received many encouraging emails and notes, and I have been printing them and reading them to Mom. She has been a wonderful witness and a discipler of many, and that brings my heart great comfort during this time.

We ask for your continued prayers in these remaining days.

Letting Go and Letting God

Today, I told my mom it is okay for her to die. I have been hoping and praying that she will be here for one last Christmas. But as I have seen the intense pain and suffering that she is enduring, I realized that that hope is selfish. I realized that I need to be hoping and praying that her pain will end soon, whether it is by healing here on earth or by God’s healing hand taking her home. Although, it hurt to tell her it is okay for her to let go, I actually felt an intense wave of peace and calm come over me as we were talking. I know that God is here with us throughout this journey and know that whenever He chooses to take my sweet mom home, He will continue to provide peace and comfort for us all.

 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Please pray for my mom. She is feeling more and more pain, and they are continuing to up her pain medications. She is having to spend a lot of time sleeping and/or in bed. Her appetite has definitely decreased. In the past week, she has felt significantly worse. Pray for her to be pain free and for each of us (family members) to be a comfort to her. Pray for us to see God at work in specific ways daily. Pray for our hearts as we enter this new phase.

Cancer is so limited

It cannot cripple LOVE
It cannot shatter HOPE
It cannot corrode FAITH
It cannot destroy CONFIDENCE
It cannot kill FRIENDSHIP
It cannot shut out MEMORIES
It cannot silence COURAGE
It cannot invade the SOUL
It cannot destroy PEACE
It cannot quench the SPIRIT
It cannot lessen the POWER of the RESURRECTION

IT CANNOT STEAL ETERNAL LIFE!
(http:www.godswork.org/enpoem173.htm)

Roll Call and Prayer Request

I know that we are all encouraged in knowing that there are many different people out there reading this blog, who care about my mom and are praying for our family. We would love to know who is reading, so would each of you leave a quick comment with your name and location? It is fun and amazing to see God using the body of Christ all across the world to encourage us!

Also will you be praying specifically for my mom's medicine? She has been in a lot of pain lately and has had certain reactions to different medicines. Therefore, the hospice nurses and doctors have been changing up her meds a bunch. So we are praying for her to be getting a proper dose of the right medicine, so she can feel okay. Thanks.

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you so much for your continued prayer for myself and my family. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness”. In our bedroom I have a plant that has been covered with little white flowers until recently when many of them have died off. Today while I pulled off the dead flowers, I noticed there was a refreshing desert-like fragrance released from them. This reminded me of John 12:24, “Unless a grain of wheat dies, it remains alone but when it dies it bears much fruit.”

It has been nine weeks now since my terminal diagnosis of cancer was given. The last few months there has been a blessed time in God’s presence to reflect and rest in the love of family and friends. Physically I feel my outer body is deteriorating, death is the only way we ultimately get to be with our Father, emotionally, there are good and bad days as I am still human but most importantly spiritually I am doing so well. It is only though our inner spirit that we can truly worship the Father and within His Holy Spirit we soar. His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness as I rest in the shadow of His wings, yes I am well.

Yesterday in two different readings God reminded me of His hope through II Corinthians 4: 7-10, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed, perplexed, but not despairing, persecuted, but not forsaken, struck down, but not destroyed, always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” What this scripture says to me is that no matter the situation life has handed us, God can use each remaining day to display His power in us and to proclaim Christ’s victory over death to our world. This I am seeking each day in God’s strength.

In His Love,

Cyndi

Grammy meets little Cub

Last week, Caleb, Jon, my mom, and I got to go to an ultrasound place to see Baby Capron #3 (who Caleb has affectionately named "Cub"). I was only 11 weeks pregnant, and little Cub was about 1 1/2 inches long. It was amazing to see the development of this little being and to imagine all of the intricate details present in so small a baby. My favorite part was seeing that he/she already has a full bladder. I guess that I already have the mothering spirit for this baby.... only a mom could be so proud of her baby for having urine in its bladder! The ultrasound tech thought that there may be signs of the baby being a boy but wouldn't call it this early. Caleb is quite convinced that Cub is a boy, but we will have to wait around 6 more weeks to find out. Girl or boy, it was great fun to get to see our Cub and to get to have Grammy there for this special time!

Profile of face and bodyFoot and full bladder (dark circle shape near stomach)Baby's fist held up to his/her mouth

A Dream

A few nights ago I had a dream about spending time with a blond girl who was around 12 years old. It was just the two of us together in a room. While I watched her, she was twirling and doing acrobatics, but then accidently bumped her head. When I went over to comfort her she sat on my lap and said, "Grammy, they told me about you. I know about you." Then someone called out to her, her name was Abby. If there be any legacy that I would want to leave to my grandchildren it would be one of loving God and trusting Him in every circumstance.

"Then their offspring will be known among the nations, and their descendants in the midst of the people. All who see them will recognize them because they are the offspring whom the Lord has blessed." Isaiah 61:9

Flowers in the Desert

I planted these flowers in our backyard a few months ago. They provided some beauty for a short time but I have two very destructive Siberian Husky dogs that really enjoyed eating the plant and the soil around it. So about a month ago, I gave up on repotting it (which was a daily occurrence) and just stopped watering it all together. The dogs took this as the go ahead and proceeded to eat most of the remaining soil and plant. I assumed the plant was dead but while I was outside yesterday, I happened to look into the pot and was shocked to find several little pink flowers. These sweet, beautiful flowers brought a smile to my face and reminded me of God's promises to us. No matter what pain and hardships we endure, in the end He will bring us happiness and the flowers will bloom once again. Even when we have all but given up, He turns this pain and hardship into something beautiful. I know that although we have sadness and heartache for a time, our spring will come and we will once again have something beautiful to smile about.

"He has made everything beautiful in His time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

So Much to be Thankful for

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done." 1 Chronicles 16:8 Over the past weekend, our family decided to have an early Thanksgiving. Some dear friends made us a delicious meal and we had a wonderful time together as a family. Mom has been feeling pretty good lately and we are just so thankful for memories like these that we can always treasure.

For Cyndi

A gentle breeze whispers

And soothes o'er my heart;

How sweet are the memories

Of you it imparts.

My friend, Oh, how precious

Your presence has been.

How often our paths crossed

As our lives journeyed on.

My memories of you

Will be ever sweet,

And touched by the promise

That in heaven we'll meet.

Though earthly life changes,

Time and friends pass away;

How certain the promise

We'll meet in that bright Day!

(c) Norma Gail Thurston Holtman

September 17, 2010

Well it is November. My mom found out that cancer was (is) in her lungs on September 16, so it has been about a month and a half. Mom had a tough weekend. She found herself in a lot of pain, and her oxygen levels were down a bit. She is trying to figure out the best pain medicine regimen, so that she can stay comfortable. She has started using the oxygen tank some at home. Pray for us as we enter this stage. We have enjoyed lots of wonderful family time the last month and a half, and we pray that will continue. I think of the popular Christian song that is played often on klove. Some of the words are:
"Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don't want to miss even just a second more of this..."
We are certainly reminded that our days are numbered.