Memories of Cyndi

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Mom's Funeral Services

Friday, December 31st


New Covenant Church
7201 Paseo del Norte NE
ABQ, NM 87113


Visitation from 9-10am
Service at 10am
Graveside to follow

If desired, memorial contributions in memory of Cyndi may be made to La Molina Christian Schools of Lima, Peru . Checks can be made out to ABWE Foundation Inc., PO Box 8585, Harrisburg, PA 17105-8585.

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23M 87113

Home

This afternoon, mom went home to be with Jesus. We will miss her, but we are assured that we will be together again. We are thankful that she is now painfree and celebrating with her Savior.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones." Ps. 116:15

"Blessed be the Lord who daily bears our burden. The God who is our salvation." Ps. 68:19

We will post information about the funeral when the plans are confirmed.

Update

The last few days have been very hard. Mom is very near death and struggling to take each breath. For the past month, we have thought that every day may be mom's last. I had always imagine mom going peacefully like Jason's mom went but so far that is not the case and she continues to be alert and in pain as she struggles for air. It is exhausting seeing your mom in so much pain and it is so hard telling her goodbye over and over. Everyone felt that last night would be her final night as her oxygen levels dropped into the 50s, her blood pressure dropped greatly, and her heart started beating very irratically. We all gathered around her bed and sat with her for over 5 hours. When her nurse checked her around 10pm, her stats had improved. There really is no explanation for why mom is still with us. It may be something we do not understand until we get to Heaven. Either way we are trying to be patient and wait for God's perfect timing but it is hard. Please pray that mom will go soon and will be in less pain and less alert today. Please pray for all of us through this excruciating waiting period.

Christmas Hope

From the beginning of this journey, I thought that it would be just horrible to lose mom on or around Christmas. This fear has become a reality in the past few days as mom's condition has declined greatly.  Seeing your mom struggling to breathe on Christmas day just seems wrong and it will be something we will never forget. But I feel that losing mom at Christmas is kind of special. Don't get me wrong, today was painful and hard but it was also filled with hope. Hope in knowing that we will one day experience happiness again. Hope in the promise that soon mom will be out of pain and in our sweet Savior’s arms. Hope in knowing that one day I will see my mom again healthy and happy. I guess that is really what Christmas is about anyway; the hope we have all because Jesus came to this earth to die for us and give us true hope. Christmas for our family will forever be changed, but what remains is the hope we have in Christ. How special it is to lose mom on or near the day that Christ was born. It is will always be a sweet reminder for us that through all pain and hardships, we have hope in Christ and can cling to God’s promise that we are not saying "Goodbye" but "See You Soon."

 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Faith and God's timing

Today we were blessed to have sweet friend of the family come to care for mom this morning so we could all go to church together. We went to Sagebrush and the pastor, Todd preached a sermon that really felt it was just for us! He talked about how God answers prayers in three ways: 1. Yes, 2. No, and 3. Wait. This is again a principle I have been taught since I was a small child, but once again God taught me something! Obviously we are in a waiting period right now. Todd talked about how when God tells us to wait, it's because He has a big picture view and He has something even more wonderful planned. This was just so encouraging! We are waiting for God's timing....His perfect timing for sweet mom to go home to be with Him. He sees it ALL!! He knows every little detail and has a perfect plan. He loves our family so very much that He planned out this period of our lives to bring Him glory, how encouraging! This brought me His peace once again! Todd also talked about how when Christ was about to sacrifice His life on the cross for our salvation, He asked God that if there was any other way to bring about our salvation. (Even in this request, Christ still desired for God's will, not his own). Luke 22:42 And God's answer was No. God allowed for the pain and suffering of Christ to occur to bring about the most precious gift we could ever receive....our freedom in Christ, our forgiveness of our sins and the victory to live with Him in Eternity! What a precious promise and gift! I know this is such a basic principle and promise...but I guess it came to life once again today and was encouragement to me! They sang this song today and it was such a sweet reminder that we are always in God's hands....and there is no other place I would want our family to be, in this trial or in any moment of our lives.

Your Hands by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want, but what He knows is right.

Waiting...

Every night before I tuck my son into bed, we say a prayer. Lately, our prayers have gone something like this:

"Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for being able to spend another day with Grammy. We pray that she will rest peacefully tonight and that she will get to go to Heaven soon. In Jesus' Name, Amen"

Though it is very difficult to understand God's timing and plan in all of this, we are reassured in knowing that He does have a plan and a great purpose for all of us through this pain and heartache. A few months ago, my mom gave me a CD by Jonny Diaz. I was listening to it the other day and one of the songs really spoke to our situation. It was like God was speaking right to me. Here are the lyrics.

Waiting Room by Jonny Diaz

Here in this waiting room yearning for You to say go
And though I’m convinced that a yes would be best
This time You’re telling me no

It’s not that I don’t have an answer
It’s just not the one that I’d like
But through this time Lord I must keep in mind
You’re always wiser than I

You have a much better purpose
And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
Cause You hold this world in your hands

The things that I seek are from You
Like the strong healing touch of your hand
But when You say no help me trust even though
There’s a reason I can’t understand

When that miracle comes cause Your answer is yes
I will praise you for all of my days
But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best
I will praise You just the same

Mom's Journal: Know Christ, Make Christ Known

When my mom first found out that she had cancer, she started writing her thoughts and prayers in a journal. Several days ago, I decided to look through it, and it has blessed me a great deal. In Mom's current state, she is confused and frustrated. She just isn't the mom I have always known. But, in her journal her true voice and person comes out. It has been very encouraging to read things that she has written about her perspective on her last days and on her death.

On the inside cover of the journal, she boldly wrote out Mark 7:37: "And they were utterly astonished. He has done all things well!" I remember her telling me several times in the last months, that God does do all things well and that He will do the process of her dying well. Yes, we all are anxious for my mom to go on to heaven (her especially), but God is doing this well. He is growing our family closer together and teaching us how to serve mom through caring for her.

I believe God desires to use this time in our lives to minister to others. That was a strong topic in many of the things that Mom wrote about in her journal. She accepted her terminal diagnosis with grace and peace because of her faith in Christ alone. This time is very difficult, but God comforts us and gives us peace and endurance because of our faith in Christ alone. It is our desire that everyone who reads this knows that Christ is the answer in life and in death.

"If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10:9-10

My mom continues to ask me when she is going to die, and I have no answer. But, I frequently tell her that God is using her life to show Himself to many. If you don't know Christ, seek Him out. You will not be disappointed. On October 3, mom wrote out this prayer "Let my time left bring more glory to You! Continue to pour out my life that it may be pleasing to You." After her first visit with Hospice nurses she wrote, "Please Father, help me to not pretend to know Your plan for my last days (except that You love me and will do it well), but instead to remember You have my days numbered and will not bring me home one moment too early or too late. Lord God, I lean on you for each day and the time left." There is a reason that Mom is still alive today, and I pray that God will use these tough days to bring many to a saving knowledge of Him.

Today is my Parents' 36th Wedding Anniversary. What a blessed 36 years it has been for them! Not much has changed with mom over the past few days. Her vitals remain good though she is getting increasingly more weak and more easily confused. Thankfully, her pain is mostly under control. My sister, Kelly, is doing a wonderful job as my mom's personal nurse. I don't know what we would be doing without her here! Though this time is difficult and it is hard to be patient, we still believe that God has perfect timing and are trusting him to work out all the details.

"The Lord will give strength unto His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace." Psalm 29:11

Keeping it real... this is tough.

Yesterday we found out that we are having a baby boy. It was a bittersweet moment. I remembered our ultrasound with Abby. I called my mom right afterwards to tell her about Abby being a girl. We were all absolutely thrilled. Of course we are thrilled about our baby boy, but it was sad for me because my mom isn't able to be a part of the excitement. When I got home and told her about baby boy, she just repeatedly said that I didn't go to have an ultrasound done and that I was lying. Then I showed her the pictures, and I think she believed me. But, she kept saying that she couldn't focus on the pictures. I know that she was frustrated that she couldn't quite understand what was going on.

Mom has been more agitated and confused in the last several days. She continually asks me to tell her what is going on. I know that she really just wants to know when she will be able to go home to heaven, but we can't answer that question for her. We try to comfort her and explain why she is in bed and how she is sick. I tell her about what the kids are all doing. Tonight she asked me if Abby, who is one, likes school and then immediately asked what kind of beans Abby is putting in her chili. I guess that brought a moment of comic relief, but these last several days have been really hard. It seems that it isn't just the medicine that is making Mom confused. Her brain must be feeling the effects of the cancer and of not eating for two weeks. She has repeatedly gotten up out of bed to go do something... take a bath, go to an appointment, ect., and she fell down today before I could get to her. We are using a bed alarm, so that we know when she tries to get up.

How I wish our lives were back to the normal that we had before all of this happened. But, I know that God is good. He loves us like a parent loves a child. He cries with us and sees our pain. He also sees that big picture. I know that God is going to glorify Himself, and that He has already done so. So now our prayer is for mom to go home soon, for her safetly as she keeps trying to get up, and for us to have endurance, patience, and strength in each moment. Thank you all for praying along with us. We cherish each prayer on our behalf.

Grammy Pace

My mom has always loved being a Grandma. Despite the 650 mile distance, she was there as soon as possible after each of my kids' births. She made a special effort to visit them often in Waco, and she was always an active participant in the playtime activity of their choice. I will cherish these moments of my mom as a grandma as some of my favorite memories of her.

Just yesterday I was sitting with my mom while she was sleeping. I had just been praying that she was having good dreams when she started lifting up her hands and swirling them around, and I kept hearing her mention the names of different colors. A few minutes later she woke up, and I asked her what she had been dreaming about. She said that she had been painting with Abby. On our last trip to Albuquerque in November, Abby, Caleb, and my mom did paint together. In fact yesterday morning, I was just looking at the pictures that they had painted. They hang on my parents' fridge as a memory of that moment. Both kids were allowed to paint and get messy, and my mom painted a picture of a fall tree and one of the mountains. By the looks of them, I am sure that Caleb helped with these pictures.

I was glad to know that my mom was still just being Grammy in her dreams, and I feel thankful that she woke up to tell me about it. She has been a wonderful Grammy for nearly 4 years now, and I am already missing that.

The Day Our Lives Changed Forever

It was three months ago today that our lives changed drastically. It was a normal Tuesday for me. I spent the day cleaning up the house and playing with my kids. My biggest worry at the time was getting my daughter (who turned 2 months old on that day) to sleep better at night and on a nap schedule. I knew that my mom had a follow up Post Op. doctor’s appointment that afternoon. None of us had any idea that that appointment would change our lives forever.

I got a phone call from my dad around 4pm that afternoon. I had spoken with my mom earlier and had thought it was a bit strange that she didn’t discuss her appointment with me but really didn’t think much of it. My dad asked us to come up to the house because they needed to tell us something. My heart dropped and I got a sick feeling in my stomach. As we drove up to their house, we passed a church. The sign in the front of the church said, “What Cancer Can’t Do.” Somehow I knew then that this was not going to be good news and that my life was never going to be the same.

When we arrived at my parents’ house, I noticed that my mom had one of her Beth Moore workbooks out on the table. Over the past few years, my mom led several Beth Moore studies. I participated in all of them and this is where my relationship with God was greatly strengthened and my love of the Bible developed. The study she had out was the Daniel study. My heart sank when I saw the book. Somehow I knew what she was going to reference from the book. This study examined the life of Daniel. One lesson in particular was huge for me. I just knew she was going to discuss this lesson.

The lesson was on Daniel 3 which discusses Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and the fiery furnace. King Nebuchadnezzar ordered all of the people to bow down to his gold idol. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused to bow down to the idol. Nebuchadnezzar ordered them to bow down or be put to death in the fiery furnace. Their reply was, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O King. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O King, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3: 16-18). 

In the lesson, Beth discussed this reply and three different scenarios that people of God face when they encounter a fiery trail:

Scenario A: We can be delivered from the fire and our faith is built. An example of this would be when if the cancer is healed and no treatment is needed at all.

Scenario B: We can be delivered through the fire and our faith is refined. An example of this would be when a person has to go through the trail with the pain and suffering but makes it through it in the end and their faith grows immensely.  This describes what my family and I are going through currently.

Scenario C: We can be delivered by the fire straight into His arms and our faith is perfected. My mom is a perfect example of this one. Soon, she will be delivered by the cancer into God’s loving arms and her faith will be perfected.

On that warm September evening, we sat out my parents’ back porch as my mom read these words from Beth. She told us about her diagnosis and told us that the odds of her survival are not good. She explained to us that whether or not God choses to deliver her through this trial or by this trial, she knows that His will will be perfected and He will be with her to the end.

Most of us know how the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego ends. They had to endure the fiery trail but they were not alone in the fire! There was a fourth man in the fire with them. We are also not alone in our trails. In the end, there was no smell of fire on them; the only thing that was burnt was their ropes/bonds, which were burned away. I know that God is also here with us through this trial. As our faith is being refined, our bonds are being burnt away and in the end we will not even smell of smoke!!

(Paraphrasing from Beth Moore’s Daniel: Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy)

There will be a day

It is so interesting and amazing to see how God works. Today I was blessed to have a day off. When I woke up I was feeling very weary. Just discouraged. I went up to see my precious mother in law, Cyndi. I was able to be there when her wonderful nurse came to see her and assess how she is doing. I was able to spend some time with Cyndi as well as my wonderful sister in laws, Kelly and Katie and all my sweet nieces and nephews. I then went to run some errands. I felt God tell me that I needed to go to a specific store. He had a divine appointment for me there. He used this visit to this store to run into a Godly woman that just reminded me of something pretty simple, but so hard to remember and put into action....God is in control. He is in control of Cyndi's time here on earth and her time to go home and be with Him. He is in control of this cancer and of every symptom she is having. He is in control of her pain and He is in control of every little thing detail that is occuring. This has again given me so much peace. Once again He gave me HIS peace that passes all understanding. After doing my errands, I came home and took my sweet dog, Leo on a long run. God used this time to show me exactly what He wanted to teach me. He also used this song by Jeremy Camp to help give me some peace. Hope it can give someone else some comfort and peace as well.

There will be a day

Jeremy Camp

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.

An Update

Things are about the same here. My mom's vital signs remain fairly good, but she is on a ton of medications and spends most of the day sleeping. I have become the main medicine giver, and my dad said it is because he expects something from that expensive Baylor education. Mom hasn't really eaten much of anything since last Friday. She remains thirsty and is taking in a good amount of water. We have gotten into a routine and have a sort of temporary normal going on here. As we continue to wait on God's timing, here are some of the things that we are praising God for today:

• Jon has been a huge help with the kids, which has given me time to spend with my mom and with visitors.
• We have received so many meals and groceries and much more from friends, family, and neighbors. We are eating well. Thank you all.
• I am two weeks into my second trimester and have felt so much better. God truly timed this well. If it was several weeks ago, my stomach could NOT have handled some of my current jobs. And if I was more pregnant, we may not even have been able to be here (based on my history of early deliveries).
• The kids are happy and seem to have a good routine going.
• The neighbors loaned Caleb a HUGE train set. He now has a list going of what else we need to buy for our house. :)
• Several days ago Beaufort the dog was laying on the bed with my mom, and he started to act like he was going to throw up all over my parents' bedding. Jon and my dad were quick to action and mananged to grab the throwup bucket that was nearby. Every bit of dog throwup made it into the bucket. It was a bit of comic relief!
• God is giving us endurance, hope, and peace in each moment.

God is good through this trial.

"Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name"